Tuesday, April 08, 2008


One thing remains the same, everything changes. I am no longer this dressed-to-the-nines, healthy weight, happy-go-lucky, mimicking girl whom you see here. Man, I've changed. Some changes are good, but others, well, let's just get to it--I'm on a diet again and yes, working out.

I was an athlete, coach, P.E. teacher who went through a boot camp workout in order to turn myself around after birthing four boys(one at a time, every two years.) I was great shape, back in the day. But no more. I went downhill fast after my 50th birthday, and yesterday I woke up to a new day. I decided I needed change!

I have tried almost every kind of eating program and exercise program that you can think of over my 50 years, and still have never felt I was in a zone where I could live. Today I'm rethinking this idea that I'll never find balance,as I started the The Fat Smash Diet by Ian K. Smith, M.D. It's practical, and gives me steps to follow that I feel I can accomplish. But, in some moments I think, "what if I fail?" The next moment I think, "what if I lose-succeed?"

So, here we go--
Day 2: I have one eyeball on the clock as I type. I eat at 8 a.m., 11 a.m., 2 p.m., 5 p.m., 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. I can have all the fruits and vegetables I want, yogurt twice a day, and oatmeal in the a.m. I'm not crazy about oatmeal or really, yogurt. They're ok, and I don't gag, but still. I miss cheese and real eggs and bacon.I'm supposed to start a hobby so I can keep my mind off the eating thing. My hobby has always been food--reading about it, eating it, talking to others about it, watching others fix it. I may have to find a new hobby. It's too painful right now. Maybe I'll get my novel done. Maybe I'll clean out closets.

For a little background on this FOOD: The Enemy life I have: I grew up going to an elementary school with religious vegetarians(and all of my mom's people belonged to this church.) What I mean by this is that they believed your spirituality(your very soul and the church doctrine) was connected to your mouth and what you put into your temple. Ok, up to a point this is true. I don't think I'm going to hell by something I eat (though a good creme brulee or Ivanhoe's strawberry shortcake with soft serve vanilla ice cream could cause sin--gluttony.) I do believe that I need to take care of myself. And I'm uncomfortable with my weight and lack of exercise.

Soooo,in a sense, I'm getting back to my roots--back to the Dare to Be a Daniel existence of living on veggies and fruits for nine days. Some of my relatives might think that I'm coming home to the fold, little baa-baa black sheep who likes bacon and cheeseburgers is turning vegetarian. Who knows? It may change me. Hopefully, my shape is what will change and I'll feel like I have more energy.Maybe I'll find a lifestyle in this, at last.

I've been erratic lately with blogging. I don't mean to be, but things come up. I had some judging to finish up, a few manuscripts to get back to editors, and then there was that thing where I'm working on my attitude and outlook (which hasn't been very good lately.) And I have a tendency not to blog when I'm feeling bad about myself.

I decided I needed to change some things to keep body, soul and mind healthy. Change can be bad, but I'm going to steal some positive vibes and think of it as a good thing, Martha.

So, what kinds of things do you wish to change? How are you going to tackle this issue in your life? Ignore it? Come up with a plan?

Uh, oh! Time to eat!



Anonymous said...

Welcome to my world! The more years post 50 I experience, the more I realize just about everything that was fast and easy when I was younger now takes eons longer.

I'm eating 6 small meals a day, and try not to eat after 8 at night. I'm drinking more water, eating less fat and more fruits and veggies. And no, I am not on a diet. I refuse to be on a diet. I'm exercising an average of 3.5 days a week ... treadmill and weight training. I'm still heavier than I thought I'd be after more than a year of this!

However, I have more energy and stamina. I have more lean mass (still covered with too much padding, but there are muscles in there and I can see them!) I've decided this is my new lifestyle. I can eat anything I really, really want. It's a choice. There's nothing I can't have. It's my choice. I'm here to tell you, if I could I'd choose Mrs. Johnson's fresh, hot cake donuts and apple fritters, but with my glacially slow metabolism I'd soon be a story on Nightline: "750 lb. woman cannot leave her house." I don't want to go there.

So, I press on . . . choosing to make healthy choices regarding the food I eat, choosing to get my saggy self to the gym even when I don't feel like it (I rarely feel like it!). This from a foodie supreme . . . food is my favorite thing to talk about, look at, prepare, EAT! Sigh. I'm gonna hit each year God allows for me kicking and screaming, fighting to be healthy and mobile. Sanity is optional.



Delia said...

I'm proud of you, deciding you wanted to make a change and then doing it!

I told myself that I was through with "diets" and wasn't going to go on another one. I was just going to try to eat better and be more active. Now I find out that it may be in my best interests (for reasons other than my weight, which it would help also) to go on a certain diet.

But to do this diet or not comes back to answering those questions you put at the end of this post. I have an issue. Do I wish to change it? How am I going to tackle it? Will I ignore it or come up with a plan?

~sigh~ I hate diets.