Sunday, August 09, 2009
Got My Eyeball on Ya
This is my very own eyeball. I've seen too much through it and not enough. What I like about my eyeball is that it does not gain weight. What I hate about it is that it sometimes deceives me, entices me, or betrays me (I often "talk" through my eyes.)
Lately I've been agonizing again about my own POV. I want to do certain things, but hold back. You would think by this time in my life I would not hold back, but let it go with both barrels. I mean, I don't hold back because I'm afraid, but I do hold back because I know how it will go, or because I don't want to hurt someone, or I find myself with too many wrinkles and I'd look stupid! (Wait, that probably hasn't held me back before...)
I've not been posting here because I just have nothing to say. Well, that's not true. I just don't want to say anything to reveal what I'm truly thinking about! I have listened to whispers from the past in my ear. I don't feel in control. Sometimes you shouldn't be in control! (Just let God be in control.) Anyway, I have my eyeball on you all, but just haven't said too much here because I'm mulling over what my direction is going to be, what I need to put my energies into.
My husband used to say to our boys when they were little, "I'm watching you. I'm always watching you. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want me to see." LOL, and they really believed that he could SEE them. (Kept four rambunctious boys in line and they still ask themselves, "Would dad see me?")
I just want my Heavenly Father to be pleased with what I'm spending time doing. He's watching me and expects me to do those things that He wants for me. I see you all doing wonderful things and I'm watching to see if there are clues or messages for me in those things.
So, while I love blogging, I'm not sure what I'm doing with it right now. Maybe I'll put up some of my children's stories that I can't sell, or maybe I'll put up some excerpts from a book I wrote called This Ain't No Glamour Detail? All I know is that I'm restless and know I am spinning wheels.
Be back soon....