Change

One thing remains the same, everything changes. I am no longer this dressed-to-the-nines, healthy weight, happy-go-lucky, mimicking girl whom you see here. Man, I've changed. Some changes are good, but others, well, let's just get to it--I'm on a diet again and yes, working out.

I was an athlete, coach, P.E. teacher who went through a boot camp workout in order to turn myself around after birthing four boys(one at a time, every two years.) I was great shape, back in the day. But no more. I went downhill fast after my 50th birthday, and yesterday I woke up to a new day. I decided I needed change!

I have tried almost every kind of eating program and exercise program that you can think of over my 50 years, and still have never felt I was in a zone where I could live. Today I'm rethinking this idea that I'll never find balance,as I started the The Fat Smash Diet by Ian K. Smith, M.D. It's practical, and gives me steps to follow that I feel I can accomplish. But, in some moments I think, "what if I fail?" The next moment I think, "what if I lose-succeed?"

So, here we go--
Day 2: I have one eyeball on the clock as I type. I eat at 8 a.m., 11 a.m., 2 p.m., 5 p.m., 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. I can have all the fruits and vegetables I want, yogurt twice a day, and oatmeal in the a.m. I'm not crazy about oatmeal or really, yogurt. They're ok, and I don't gag, but still. I miss cheese and real eggs and bacon.I'm supposed to start a hobby so I can keep my mind off the eating thing. My hobby has always been food--reading about it, eating it, talking to others about it, watching others fix it. I may have to find a new hobby. It's too painful right now. Maybe I'll get my novel done. Maybe I'll clean out closets.

For a little background on this FOOD: The Enemy life I have: I grew up going to an elementary school with religious vegetarians(and all of my mom's people belonged to this church.) What I mean by this is that they believed your spirituality(your very soul and the church doctrine) was connected to your mouth and what you put into your temple. Ok, up to a point this is true. I don't think I'm going to hell by something I eat (though a good creme brulee or Ivanhoe's strawberry shortcake with soft serve vanilla ice cream could cause sin--gluttony.) I do believe that I need to take care of myself. And I'm uncomfortable with my weight and lack of exercise.

Soooo,in a sense, I'm getting back to my roots--back to the Dare to Be a Daniel existence of living on veggies and fruits for nine days. Some of my relatives might think that I'm coming home to the fold, little baa-baa black sheep who likes bacon and cheeseburgers is turning vegetarian. Who knows? It may change me. Hopefully, my shape is what will change and I'll feel like I have more energy.Maybe I'll find a lifestyle in this, at last.

I've been erratic lately with blogging. I don't mean to be, but things come up. I had some judging to finish up, a few manuscripts to get back to editors, and then there was that thing where I'm working on my attitude and outlook (which hasn't been very good lately.) And I have a tendency not to blog when I'm feeling bad about myself.

I decided I needed to change some things to keep body, soul and mind healthy. Change can be bad, but I'm going to steal some positive vibes and think of it as a good thing, Martha.

So, what kinds of things do you wish to change? How are you going to tackle this issue in your life? Ignore it? Come up with a plan?

Uh, oh! Time to eat!

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