Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Do you know how it is when you've got lots and lots of people and things going on around you, but you feel desperately like you're out of place?
I've been feeling that a lot lately. Like I shouldn't be here and maybe it was a big mistake to just keep hanging in there. And so sad that I am missing out on lives and things going on. And that I ache all the time for...something...not sure what!
Ok, so I opened a vein here and while I don't know what the road is ahead of me, I took a snapshot of this one moment to remember. It's like a marker.
The above photo is of my grandparents, Roy and Pauline, and my brother and me. We went to one of those photo booths because they wanted photos of us and my parents wanted photos of them and they didn't have a camera. So they jammed into the booth and you can see the sadness on my grandparents' faces. Soon they would leaving to go back to Tennessee and we would be far away from them in Indiana. My grandparents had me for several years as their own, but then my mother got well and took me back--I don't think they ever thought that she would survive. It was a moment I would've forgotten if not for this photo that I have. Well, maybe I would have forgotten it. Maybe not.
This is why I haven't posted lately. I really have been feeling out of place and like I have no purpose. I'm restless and anxious to get going.
Just marking this place so I won't forget.